


Strumming My Pain

by taggiecb



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Louis, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heartbreak, M/M, Smut, niall mentioned, no one dies, zayn mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-20 02:34:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8233057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taggiecb/pseuds/taggiecb
Summary: Harry hurts Louis, but that doesn't stop Louis from coming to his side when Harry needs him the most.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [allwaswell16](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allwaswell16/gifts).



> Happy Birthday Nini! This is all the angst for you. And thank you Liz for helping so much. Xo

Louis’ back stiffens as he stares across the nearly empty car park. He can only imagine how he looks right now, his face screwed up into a scowl, his eyes rimmed red, feeling raw from the tears. His fists are clenched at his sides. 

“What do you want?” He punches out every word with as much venom as he can muster.

“I just wanted to make sure you were ok.” A voice comes back. It sounds tired, and distant. Not distant enough in Louis’ opinion.

“Please,” Louis replies sarcastically. “Trying to clear your conscience more like.” He moves to open the door of his car, intent on getting as far away from Harry Styles as he can get.

He only looks back once to see Harry half running after the car. He presses harder on the gas.

  
  


5 years later

 

 

Louis is late. So, so fucking late.  He practically runs to the door, barely grabbing his keys on the way out. Liam is probably shitting a brick right now. 

He cannot believe that his best friend is getting married.  And he can't believe that he may miss the entire thing because he got distracted by his piano, and all of these sickening feelings that this day, and all of the days that have led up to it, brings.

It's been years, literally years, since he thought that he was making the best decision of his life. Years since Harry said no in front of their entire group of friends and family. He wishes that he didn't care anymore. But that would just be lying to himself.

His phone blares as he's turning over the ignition. He grabs it, and presses answer.

“I'll be there in five minutes babe.  Seven tops. I promise.” He waits for Liam to chew him out, or say ok, or anything really. What he gets instead is a curious silence. “Um, hello?” He can definitely hear breathing on the other end.

“I'm sorry.” Is practically whispered to him through the phone. A chill runs down Louis’ spine because he recognises that voice. And it isn’t Liam’s.

 

 

Liam is waiting in front of the church, pacing swiftly near the doors until Louis half jogs up the steps, and pats him lightly on the back. 

“Not late, I am not late.” He reminds Liam who is shooting daggers from his eyes.

“You are not the one I should be worried about standing me up today.” Liam replies. “Where have you been?”

“Sorry, I just got distracted.” Liam leads them to the room where the rest of Liam’s family is perched. The wedding doesn’t start for another hour, but being the best man, Louis should not have been the last one to arrive. “And I got the weirdest phone-” He’s cut of by a photographer coming in to ask if they are ready for pre wedding pictures yet, and they all shuffle off to do their duties.

 

 

Everything blurs together after that. Pictures, ceremony, Liam cries of course. Reception, best man speech, then unforgettable food, and very memorable champaign. It’s dark, and a quarter of the guests are getting ready to leave, the older crowd, when Louis finally gets a chance to sit down and chat with Liam again. They are both well buzzed, and Liam is just automatically hugging anyone within arms reach of him. So, with their arms slung around one another, they chat about the day.

“You did good Li.” He pats Liam’s back. “By far best wedding I’ve been to.”

“You say that at every wedding.” Liam replies, but he’s smiling.

“I like weddings, what do you want me to say?”

“Yet, you can’t manage to show up to them on time.” Liam ribs him. Louis chuckles, but it brings him back to the morning, and his rush out the door.

“Can I ask you something Li?”

“Of course, anything.” Liam sweeps his arm out, showing just how much everything is.

“Did you invite Harry to the wedding?” He looks at Liam for a reaction, which is utter confusion.

“No, of course not. You know that I haven’t really spoken to him after...you know.”

“Yeah,” Louis replies, although it doesn’t really answer any of his questions, maybe just creates new ones.

“Why do you ask?” Liam asks, now worried.

Louis takes a breath, and lets it out again before he answers. “He called me, this morning.”

“What?! What did he want?”

“I don’t know. I thought it was you calling at first, I just said that I would be a few minutes, and he just...didn’t say anything... then said sorry, and hung up. I don’t know. He sounded weird.” Louis shrugs as though he is shaking the whole thing off, but it doesn’t alleviate his discomfort, the intuition that something isn’t right. “I just wondered if it had something to do with today, but now I just don’t know.”

 

Liam is still staring, a concerned look etched into his face. “Are you sure that you shouldn’t find out?” Louis automatically shakes his head, but Liam continues. “He has respected your wishes to leave you alone for five entire years, and then just calls you? Maybe there is a good reason.” 

“What in the world would he want with me? Now?” Louis shakes his head again. “If it’s too serious he will call back. Or call someone that can actually do something for him.” Liam’s concerned look is replaced by a sad one.

“Whatever you think Lou. I better go find my beautiful bride.” He gives Louis another full body hug, and wanders off into the crowd. Louis is left alone with his uncomfortable feelings. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, and stares at the call log. Just the one from this morning, strange number, less than a three minute conversation, but to Louis it feels like a blaring red alarm that he needs to answer. He shakes himself, and sticks his phone back in his pocket, trying to ignore the incessant pull of Harry Styles.

  
  


His ability to ignore the situation is immediately crushed only a few hours later when he walks past a small group of women who Louis has known since he, and Liam were children, talking in somewhat hushed tones, and concerned faces. The names are what stops Louis in his tracks. 

_ Did you hear about Robin? Just this morning _

_ Harry is taking it the worse I heard _

_ Poor lad, has had a rough few months hasn’t he? _

Louis heart sinks. Robin’s health was not great back when he was with Harry. Something happened, and Harry tried to call Louis.

He doesn’t realise he is running until he finds himself in a small room that looks like a broom closet, and pulls the phone from his pocket again. Still no new calls. Most everyone who would try to contact Louis on a Saturday afternoon is with him. Harry hasn’t tried again. Without thinking too much about it he pushes the call button on the strange number hoping it wasn’t a random place that Harry was calling from.

It rings three times, every tone ramping Louis’ anxiety up by ten notches. Finally the sound of someone answering clicks, and Louis can hear a shaky breath before any voice.

“Hello?” Harry’s voice seeps into Louis’ ear. He was expecting it, but at the same time was not at all ready.

“Um, hello.” Louis says before he freezes, having no idea what to actually say to Harry, now that he has him on the line.

“Louis.” Harry sighs, sounding almost...relieved? Louis takes a breath as well.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Louis replies softly. “You called this morning.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know where my head is. Just..nothing. I’m sorry.” Louis can hear the fatigue in his voice.

“You want to tell me why you called?” Louis braves on. He’s in for a penny, might as well be in for a pound.

“No, it’s not your concern. It’s fine.” Harry rambles, trying to back himself out of whatever pain he is obviously in. “It was a mistake, I’m sorry. Just forget it.”

“Harry,” Louis interrupts him before he hangs up again. “I heard that something happened to Robin.” It comes out more harsh than he intended, and he can hear the shutter in Harry’s breath as soon as it comes out. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

“Stroke, this morning. I don’t know if he’s going to make it. They don’t know.” Harry starts to ramble again, but this time it’s with an anguish that Louis has never heard come from Harry before. He lets him go for a little while, and wear himself out before he replies.

“Where are you at now Harry?” He asks gently.

“Home.” Harry replies, just as quiet.

“Do you have anyone with you?”

“No, Mum is at the hospital, and Gemma had to go home.”

“What about friends? Boyfriend, girlfriend, neighbor?” Louis goes through the list quickly trying to not think to much about it too much.

“It’s fine Louis.” Harry replies. “ I didn’t mean to bother you.” He tries to sound like he’s fine, but Louis knows him better than that, and the fact is that he isn’t fine at all.

“Where is home?”

“What do you mean?”

“Where do you live Harry?” He tries to sound forceful, like he actually wants to be dealing with the person who could very well have ruined his chances for finding love again.

Louis must have succeeded because after only a small pause, Harry rambles off his address.

“I am coming over ok?” He makes sure that Harry understands before he hangs up, and goes looking for Liam.

 

 

Liam is about as sure about Louis’ impromptu plan as Louis is. 

“Is there no one else?” He asks for the third time as Louis is finding his jacket, and kissing Liam on the cheek.

“Doesn’t sound like it. I asked.”

“What about someone goes with you? Niall, Zayn? Someone?”

“He didn’t call them, did he? He called me. I’m going. It’s a horrible idea, and I am going to hate myself almost immediately for doing it, but I am going.” Liam nods, understanding what it means to have to do something just because you have to. Liam gets Louis, and Louis appreciates that more than he can say.

“Well, at least call a cab. You’ve been drinking.” Liam replies. Louis smiles.

“Already done Dad. Kiss your beautiful wife for me please.” And he walks out the door and into a waiting cab before he can talk himself out of it.

  
  
  


Louis pulls up to the address that Harry had given to him all too soon. He takes a quick breath as he walks up the small steps to the big black door that separates him from going through with this, and just going home and trying to continue his quest to forget Harry Styles forever. 

Knowing that he cannot do the latter anyway, he knocks gently on the door. It only takes a few seconds before it is being unlocked, and Louis is face to face with his worst nightmare, his saddest dreams, his former love. They stare, frozen for a moment in time before suddenly Harry is breaking down right in front of his eyes, and Louis is rushing forward to support his crumpling body.

“It’s going to be alright Harry. Come on, let's go sit. It’s alright.” He coos into Harry’s hair, steering him to the nearest chair that Louis can find, which is a large plush sofa in the sitting room near the door. Harry drops like a stone, folding in on himself. Louis steps back, taking in the scene around him. The room they are in is small, but cozy, and stylish. Everything is spotless, and in place. Which makes Harry in his current condition seem all the more bizarre. Louis perches on the chair opposite, and waits for Harry to come back to him, out of his own head at least.

He finally slows down in his sobbing, while Louis waits uncomfortably, not really knowing what to do. He wipes a hand aggressively across his eyes, trying to fight the tears away. “You didn’t have to come.” He says once again.

“Well, I am here. So why don’t we just move past that part now, alright?”

Harry nods, still looking miserable, but Louis supposes that isn’t entirely for his guilt for contacting Louis.

“Any word about Robin?” He asks, more gently this time. Harry just shakes his head.

“No change.” He manages to choke out. Louis sighs, a pit in his stomach as well. He hasn’t really let himself think about it until this moment, but he loved Robin too, he was supposed to be his father in law one day. He doesn’t want to think of him laying frail in a hospital bed, he can’t tonight, he is here for Harry, somehow. He isn’t quite sure yet if he is going to actually be helpful.

“Can I do anything?” He attempts.

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine.” Harry predictably replies as quickly as the words come out of Louis’ mouth.

“You called me H. Why don’t we just pretend for a second that you want me here, and I want to be here. What do you need?” Harry just sags his head into his hands, pressing the heel of his palms into his eyes, and rubbing the wetness away.

“A drink?” Harry suggests, and Louis literally jumps at the opportunity to be useful.

“What do you have in mind?”

“There’s a bottle of tequila on top of the fridge.” Harry replies without lifting his head. Louis pauses for a second caught off guard, but doesn’t argue.

He makes his way through the house, finding the kitchen easily enough. The bottle is where Harry said it was, but he has to dig for a couple of glasses. He doesn’t even bother looking for any limes. This isn’t really the time. He brings his findings back into the sitting room, and finds Harry sitting upright, and looking more like an injured animal. His eyes are wide, and wary of Louis’ every step. Louis tries to ignore it, and sit back down beside Harry this time. Sitting the bottle and glasses on the table in front of them. He pours two glasses, and sits one in front of Harry, silently saluting him, and waiting for Harry to do the same, before downing the glass quickly. He’s grateful that he’s already fairly drunk, or it would sting a lot more than it does. Harry doesn’t even flinch, and Louis is quite sure that he’s dead sober. It makes his heart drop knowing how much pain Harry must already be in. He pours another round, and doesn’t even wait for Harry this time before slamming it back.

  
  
  


They are about five rounds in, and barely a word spoken between them when Harry suddenly lets out a low groan. 

“Fuckkkk” He says out loud, probably louder than he intended. Louis just waits, keeping his distance. “I’m so sorry.” He says, almost to himself, as though Louis wasn’t actually there to hear him.

“What did I say about that?” Louis reprimands, although he can’t bring himself to sound even a little like he means it. Harry looks at him scrutinizing, as though this is the first time they have seen one another, as though Louis hasn’t been there for over an hour.

“Why are you all dressed up?” He asks, almost accuses. Harry on tequila is a mouthy ass. Louis now remembers.

“I was at a wedding.” Louis replies primly, trying to not slur. It doesn’t much happen. Harry nods to himself.

“Anyone I know?” Harry asks, almost conversationally. Louis pauses, not really knowing what to say.  Harry was almost just as close to Liam as he is. Louis and Harry’s separation is the only reason that Harry wasn’t at that wedding to begin with.

“Um, Liam?” He replies. He can see the instant hurt in Harry’s eyes, and he hates it. But Harry nods, understanding.

“Sophia?”

“No, they uh, split up right after...after us.” Louis stumbles out. He doesn’t talk about it, not with anyone. And now here he is talking about it. With the man who caused the pain to begin with. It feels wrong. But not as painful as he thought it would. Probably the tequila.

Harry nods again, and then snaps his eyes up to Louis accusingly. “You were the best man weren’t you?” Louis nods, and Harry throws himself back on the sofa again. “Fuck, Louis, you didn’t need to leave a wedding where you were the fucking best man to come here! What the fuck!”

“Sorry?” Louis responds, because he honestly has no idea what else to say to that.

“Why would you do that? God, I feel shitty enough for calling you to begin with, and now I ruined this for you too. Fuck, can I do anything right?” He’s spiralling again, and Louis instinctively grabs his wrist to try to calm him down. It automatically stops Harry in his tracks. He looks at Louis, pain in his eyes.

“Listen, you needed someone. And for whatever reason, that person was me, and here I am. That’s all you need to care about right now.” Harry looks down to where their skin is still touching, and nods. “But since we’re on the subject, why isn’t there anyone else?” Louis asks tentatively. Harry just shakes his head, pulling his wrist away from Louis. Louis doesn’t give up so quickly though. “I found out about Robin from a few ladies at the wedding. They didn’t tell me, but I heard…” He takes a breath. “They said that you were having a hard time, aside from Robin.” Harry is looking at his lap, but gives a sharp nod, confirming what Louis had heard. “Want to talk about it?”

Harry reaches for the bottle, pours another shot, and silently takes it before he speaks. “This isn’t going to be a story that you are going to want to hear.” He says matter of fact. 

“Try me.” Louis replies.

“Well, I met a guy. We were together for a while. I thought...I thought he was going to be the one.” He looks at Louis with a pained look, Louis swallows hard, but keeps his mouth shut. “That wasn’t the case apparently. And, as though that wasn’t enough. He was my boss, and I moved in with him, so when he decided that he didn’t want me in his life, he really didn’t want me in his life. I lost...everything. Job, home, friends. All gone. All I had left was Mum, and Robin, and Gemma. And now...” Harry chokes off a sob while Louis sits stunned.

He is jumping from being sick about the idea of Harry finding someone else to be his “one” and being completely enraged that someone would toss Harry aside like he didn’t matter.

Harry interrupts his thoughts. “I know what you’re thinking.” He slurs out.

“I doubt it.”

“You are thinking that it serves me right.” Harry continues with a bitter tone in his voice.

“That is not at all what I was thinking.” Louis replies gently.

“Well, it isn’t the same.” Harry says, as though Louis didn’t speak at all. “It’s not the same. I wanted you. I didn’t throw you away.”

Louis is quite sure that the tequila is taking over, and Harry is just rambling nonsense, but it doesn’t hurt any less. He is just not ready to have this conversation.

“God, Louis I loved you so much. So fucking much.” Harry mumbles, staring at the ceiling. “You were the one. Not fucking Patrick. You.” Harry sounds angry, but the words stab straight into Louis’ chest, and he loses the resolve that he had been holding onto so tightly all night.

“You left me Harry, I don’t think you have any right to tell me that I was the one. Don’t blame me because you got dumped by your boss, Jesus Harry, think before you speak every once in awhile!” It comes out louder, and more pained than Louis intended, and Louis clamps his mouth up just as Harry grabs at Louis’ arms, and shakes him gently.

“I didn’t fucking leave you! I didn’t leave you. I just wasn’t ready for marriage. God, I was a child. We both were. I didn’t want to lose you. I loved you so much. I love you so much. Fuck.” The tears reappear in his eyes, and he stands suddenly. “This was a bad idea. Maybe you should go.”

Louis is stunned, and can’t speak, but he stands anyway, thankful to get out of Harry’s presence. He knew that eventually he would have to confront what happened between them, but he didn’t think it would be with Harry over a bottle of tequila. This is definitely not the best idea.

“I’ll go.” He fumbles for his phone, intending to call a cab when another ringtone blares through the room. Harry jumps, and runs out, apparently towards the sound. He can hear Harry speaking hurriedly, and hanging up before he rushes back into the room.

“He’s awake. I have to go.” He grabs a set of keys, and his shoes, and slumps against the wall to try to put them on. Louis puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you sure you are ok to go alone?” All the last few minutes are forgotten for the time being, replaced solely with concern for Harry’s well being, emotional and physical.

Harry’s face crumbles in front of Louis’ face. “Not much choice, do I?”

“You have a choice. You do. I’ll come with you.”

“You don’t have to do that.” Harry breathes out. Louis can feel the warmth of it on his bare neck, and realises how close they are. It makes him want to jump back, and away, or closer, and never let go. He can’t decide which.

“I’m going to. Let’s go. No more arguments.” The car that Louis called to go home is just pulling up, and they get in, directing it to the hospital.

  
  
  


When they get there, they go through emergency as it is too late for visiting hours. Harry leads them straight to where Robin is staying. ICU. Louis’ stomach drops a little at the realisation. When they reach a waiting room, there are locked doors on the other side that say family only. Harry looks at Louis just for a moment before he approaches a nurse to tell her who he is there to see. 

“Family?” The woman with dark curls, and a crisp white uniform asks.

“I’m his son.” Harry replies quickly. She glances towards Louis, and he just shakes his head, and sits, not really expecting to see him anyway. He is just here to make sure Harry is safe. He will wait to see if Harry decides to stay at the hospital or go home again.

He pulls his phone from his pocket, and sees that it it nearly dead. Louis curses the timing a little, but quickly scans through his list of missed calls, and texts. Most of them are vague, comments about him bailing on the party early. Only one from Liam, sent a few hours earlier is one that he responds to.

 

_ Hope everything is ok.  _

 

Liam texted. 

 

**_Don’t worry about me, have fun, and call me tomorrow when you come to._ **

  
  


He doesn’t expect a reply, so he just pockets his phone again, and hopes that it stays alive long enough to call a car to get out of here. Suddenly there’s a hand on his shoulder. He looks up to see a familiar face that he suddenly realises he misses so much it hurts. 

“Louis.” Anne says, almost like she doesn’t believe that he is sitting in front of her.

“Anne, hi.” She looks tired, more than tired, but her face is almost serene. She’s one of the strongest women Louis knows aside from his own mother. And Louis just wants to be wrapped in her arms. He doesn’t move though, just stares, and tries to give a comforting smile.

“How did you manage to get here?” He knows that the question isn’t literal. She is wondering how he ended up here with Harry. He tries to look casual.

“He called, I just wanted to make sure he was alright.”

“Is he all right?” Anne presses on. Surely she should know. But she wants to hear it from him, so he considers it before he speaks.

“I don’t know. I am going with probably not?” She nods, understanding. Then she takes a breath, and he knows that she is going to say something that he isn’t going to want to hear.

“It’s not my place, Louis, to say this, but you’re here, for him, because he asked you to be, so maybe there is hope…” He opens his mouth to protest, knowing exactly where this is going, but she puts a finger up to stop him. “Louis Tomlinson, my husband is currently sitting in the ICU unable to even tell me if he is hurting, you will take five minutes to listen to me.” She glares at him, and he sits back, more like slumps back, and lets her continue. “What happened all those years ago. I know it hurt you darling. I could see the pain in your eyes. And I understand why you left. And when you two didn’t work things out, I thought maybe it wasn’t meant to be after all. So I kept quiet. And then he found someone else, and he wasn’t a good man Louis, I will just say that, but Harry seemed desperate to make it work, so again, I kept quiet. But now Harry is alone. He doesn’t have anyone, and he loved you, he still loves you, and you’re here, and I am not going to keep quiet anymore. Maybe you found someone, maybe you’ve moved on, but you are here right now, and he needs you, he wants you, so maybe just think about it alright?”

Louis takes a breath, and realises how much his chest hurts. “It’s not that easy.” Is all he is able to manage for a reply, because he has thought about it. He thinks about it every week, every day. But that’s not why Harry called him. That’s not what Harry wants. Harry said no, despite what he said earlier in the evening. He can’t just walk in and fill that void. He can’t be a rebound.

“I know it isn’t, and now isn’t the time to think about it, but I have been here for a long time, and what I have spent most of my time doing is thinking of all of the things that I wished I had said to Robin, all of the things that I truly pray that he knows, and the biggest one is how much I love him. Does everyone in your life that you love know how much you love them?” Louis doesn’t answer because he knows that he doesn’t have to. She knows the answer.

“I’m so sorry Anne.” He manages to whisper. She takes him in her arms, and he folds himself into them.

“Please don’t hold that one little decision that he made over his head for the rest of your lives. Even if nothing ever comes of it, please forgive him for that one thing.” She mumbles into his hair. “He never thought that he would lose you. He never wanted to.”

“I didn’t want to lose him either.” Louis replies, and realises that he has started to cry. For what he doesn’t know. For Harry, for Robin, for Anne? The day has been long, and he has had too much to drink, and he just wants everything to be ok. Anne doesn’t offer to break their embrace, and Louis takes advantage, and lets her cradle him like a child.

  
  


This is how Harry finds them about a half an hour later. Louis has his eyes closed, but he can feel Harry looming over them. He opens his eyes, and sees Harry staring, his face a little lighter than when they arrived, but still tired, and raw. Anne pulls away from Louis just enough to get a better look at Harry’s face. 

“How was your visit?” Anne asks.

“He smiled at me, as much as he could. But he recognised me, and tried to smile.” Harry smiles as he says it, and fresh tears spring to his eyes.

“The doctor said that if nothing changes by morning he will be able to go to a regular ward.” Anne tells them both, as though it is important news to Louis as well, and it may be, Louis can visit him in a regular room. “You two should go home, and get some sleep. It’s been a long day for you love.” She looks at Harry, “And you too.” She adds looking at Louis. He just nods, and stands stiffly, trying to not feel awkward standing next to a significantly more sober Harry.

Anne stands as well, and kisses them both on the cheek, giving Harry an extra hug before she goes back to see Robin. They are left to stand alone, not really knowing where to go from here.

“Do you want to share a car home?” Louis offers, thinking that he would prefer knowing that Harry got home ok.

“What did you and Mum talk about?” Harry blurts out instead of a reply. Louis looks around like the question would disturb other people, but there is no one around.

“Do you really want to talk about it now?” He hisses, trying to encourage Harry to walk towards the exit.

“It’s now or never right? We walk out of this hospital, and pretend we don’t know the other exists right?” Harry says aggressively. Louis feels like the words are stabs to the stomach.

“Is that what you want?” Louis mumbles. Harry glares at him, like the question is insulting.

“No, it’s never been what I have wanted. Never. But it’s also never been my choice.”

“You said no. You made that choice.”

“I said no to marriage when I was 22, not no to you. Not no to being with you.” Harry practically pleads.

“What do you say now?” Louis challenges.

“I have never said no to wanting you. And I don’t imagine I ever will.”

And as much as Louis wants to run out of that hospital, and run from all of the feelings that are swirling in his stomach, he doesn’t, because instead he is running towards Harry’s arms. And Harry embraces him, no questions asked. And Louis kisses him, hard, and demanding, and Harry kisses him back no questions asked, and when Louis asks if he can come back to Harry’s, Harry says yes.

They kiss in the car, and they kiss walking up to the door. They kiss as Harry is trying to find the keyhole, and they kiss as the walk in. Harry pushes Louis against the wall, and sinks into his mouth once they are safely inside, and Louis wraps his arms around Harry’s broad shoulders.  This causes Harry to slink his hands down around Louis’ lower back, and pull him impossibly closer. Louis breaks away with a large gasp of breath. 

“Harry,” He groans out. Harry just groans as well attaching himself to Louis’ neck. It’s hot, and sends tingles down to Louis’ toes all at once. “Harry stop, please.” He pleads, although his body is at the same time begging for more. Harry slowly pulls away, looking Louis in the eye with a stare that could turn a person to stone. Or light them on fire, depending on who was looking. “What are we doing here?” Louis asks him. It catches Harry off guard for a moment.

“I thought….I want you Lou, so much.” He looks hurt again, sad.

“How much of me do you want?” Louis keeps eye contact, not breaking his resolve. He has spent too many nights crying over Harry Styles to just lose him all over again.

“All of you, every part. I have never stopped loving you Louis, never. Let me prove it, please.” Harry crowds him in closer, and Louis can feel his breath on Louis’ skin. His heart skips a beat before he replies.

“I love you too, I want everything.” Harry smiles for the first time tonight. It’s tentative, and somewhat hidden, but it’s there.

“What about tonight?” He asks Louis, who flushes just at the thought of what he wants from the man standing in front of him right now. Harry is gorgeous, almost six foot tall, and absolutely built. His shoulders are broad, and his waist narrow. When Louis runs his hand down Harry’s chest it feels solid, but silky soft at the same time. He trails his eyes down to the obvious bulge forming in Harry’s tight jeans, and he audibly swallows before he looks Harry in the eye again, that smouldering look still present.

“I want you tonight, whatever you are willing to give me.” Louis breaths out, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck again. Harry makes a noise in the back of his throat, and attacks Louis’ mouth with a kiss so forceful that Louis is sure that it will bruise.

Then suddenly Louis is off the ground, and Harry is wrapping Louis’ legs around his waist. “What are you doing?” Louis gasps.

“Bedroom, don’t want to stop kissing you.” Harry replies as he starts moving them towards the back of the house, and attaches their lips together once again. Suddenly Louis is being tipped back, and he is deposited softly on a large bed in the center of a dark room. He doesn’t have time, or the sensibility to look around, just pants out as Harry moves back to pull his own jeans off.

“You couldn’t do that before.” Louis breathes out as Harry peels the fabric off of his toned thighs. Louis wonders if there is such a thing as too much staring in the middle of

sex. 

“I’ve picked up a few hobbies.” Harry replies with a smirk on his face as he yanks off Louis’ trousers.

“Watch it, this suit is rented.” Louis admonishes his. Harry frowns again.

“Sorry for ruining your night.” He climbs back on the bed, straddling Louis, and slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

“I’m not. Liam can do just fine without me.” Louis strokes Harry’s arms, letting Harry take care of him. Harry leans down to kiss him, and this time it’s intimate, and so lovely. Louis feels like he could just lay in it all day. That is until Harry grinds down, pressing their erections together, and he suddenly needs more.

“Harry” He moans, Harry replies by grinding down again.

“Love hearing you say my name.” He growls into Louis’ ear.

“Make me want to say your name.” Louis challenges him, and Harry sinks down, taking the soft skin of Louis’ throat between his lips, and he sucks his way down Louis’ chest.

“Gonna make you scream my name Lou, fuck I have been thinking of this, fantasising about this for so long.” He makes his way down Louis’ stomach, and to his still covered, but painfully hard cock. Harry pulls his pants down just far enough to release his erection, and allow his mouth to immediately cover it. Louis instinctively reaches down for a handful of hair, and holds Harry there as much as he can. Harry starts working his tongue around the head of Louis’ cock, and it makes him pant, and moan.

Harry brings his face up, and watches Louis writhe under his body, under his hand that is still working Louis up. Louis can’t stand it anymore. “Harry, please.”

“What babe, tell me what you want.” Harry says, although Louis knows that Harry knows exactly what he wants.

“Come back here.” Louis replies, and Harry immediately responds by bringing his face close to Louis, and sliding his body against his as well, Louis turns in his arms so that they are back to chest, with Harry’s erection rubbing subtly against the cleft of Louis’ ass. “Just like this, with your arms wrapped around me.” Louis replies, and he doesn’t mean to make it sound emotional. But it sounds like Louis doesn’t ever want Harry to let go of him, and it’s because he doesn’t.

Harry immediately softens at Louis’ words, and places kisses on his shoulder, and neck. He pulls Louis in tight for a hug before he replies. “Yeah, just like this. Let me get you ready though alright?”

Louis just nods, and rolls somewhat on his back to watch Harry move around his bedside table, it takes a few moments before he returns, and curling up against Louis’ back again.

“Ready?” Harry asks. Louis nods. Harry doesn’t move excepts to stroke Louis’ arm, and hip. Louis turns to see what the problem is, and Harry is looking at him with an emotion that Louis can’t quite place.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, and Harry takes a long breath.

“This isn’t just a tonight thing for me. I just want to make sure...I can’t lose you again Louis. I just can’t…” Louis turns to face him fully.

“Harry, I have never gotten over you. I have never stopped loving you.” Harry looks down, but Louis brings his chin up so that they are face to face once more. “Do you know what I was doing before you called this morning? When I thought you were Liam, and said I would be five minutes?” Harry shakes his head. “Writing a song about you. About how much I missed you. I never wanted to lose you. I never want to let you go again. Tonight, it just proved that for me. So I am here. This isn’t because you are sad, or I had too much to drink. It’s because it’s you and me, and I want it. I want you, in every way. Please.” Harry kisses him. They do not need any more words.

Louis slots himself back against Harry’s chest, and Harry immediately starts to rub his hip, and caresses down to the cleft of his ass. He dips a few drops of lube down his fingers, and it drops cold on to Louis’ skin. Louis jumps a little, but Harry tightens his grip around his shoulders, and slides a finger into Louis’ hole. He gasps because it’s been a long time, and it’s been too long, and it’s not enough all at the same time.

“I love you so much” Harry chokes out, still stroking Louis with his long fingers, causing him to push back into his hand, and the rest of his body. Harry adds another finger, and works into a rhythm. By the time Louis feels like he can’t take it anymore, he is sweating, and grinding back, being partially held up, and his chest off the bed by Harry’s arm around his chest, holding him close. “Ready?” Harry asks, lining up behind him, condom already in place. Harry takes his hand that had been opening him up, and grips Louis’ hip, and pushes in, slowly, and with intent.

Louis immediately starts working himself back as well, not letting Harry do all the work. Harry kisses him on the shoulder, and neck. Gently at first, but with every stroke, there is more need, more passion.

“Yes, please Harry, just like that.” Louis chants. He’s so close, and if it weren’t tonight, and he didn’t know how much Harry is being affected as well, he would be embarrassed by how little time it took to get him here, but they do need this. They need it deep in their souls, and Louis isn’t going to hold back. “Close babe, want you so much.”

“Yeah, ok. Me too. Just let go, want you to let go.” Harry repeats a few times before he takes Louis in his hand.

It only takes a few strokes before Louis is coming hard and fast. It’s like every last ounce of energy, and fight is drained from him in that moment, leaving him floating, and weightless. Harry is right with him, letting go himself, and only holding himself inside Louis for a moment before releasing him, and cleaning himself up. He took almost the entire mess, and he doesn’t even leave the bed, having a box of tissues on his bedside. He slides behind Louis once more, and just relaxes into his body.

“Probably gonna need to have a proper chat in the morning yeah?” Louis whispers into the darkness, wrapping his hands around Harry’s biceps, and closing his eyes.

“As long as you’re here in the morning I don’t care what we talk about.” Harry slurs, drowsy from the day, and the night.

“Goodnight H.”

“Goodnight love.”

  
  
  
  


Louis wakes up alone, and confused. He has no idea where he is, or what he is doing there for a quick moment before everything from the previous day comes flooding back to him. Harry. He is at Harry’s house. But where is Harry at? Louis stands on fumbling legs, and is thankful that the first door he comes to is a washroom. He takes a quick pee, and washes his face and hands before he looks in the mirror. A good long, hard look. Is this what he wants? Did he make a mistake? He’s broken from that thought by a low murmur coming from somewhere else in the house. Hearing Harry’s voice makes his stomach flutter, and his heart race. He guesses that he has found his answer. 

When he makes his way to the sitting room, he sees Harry dressed, and fresh looking. He’s on the phone, and only gives Louis a distracted look before he turns his back to him, and murmurs into the phone once again. “Alright Gemma, I will see you in a few.” He finishes the call, and sighs before he turns back to Louis.

“Bad news?” Louis asks, wanting to take a step closer, but not really feeling welcome to do so. Harry’s body language isn’t screaming affection. He gives Louis a quick look of confusion before he shakes himself.

“With Robin no, Gemma on the other hand…” 

“Just spit it out H.” Louis urges, feeling those butterflies from earlier turn to lead.

“She thinks I am being an idiot.”

Louis should have expected this from Harry’s big sister. He expects it from his two oldest sisters himself.  “What do you think about it?” He asks, still keeping his distance, afraid of the answer he is about to hear.

Harry pauses for a moment. The same look on his face that Louis had just seen in the mirror. The wondering, the worry. Then he shakes his head. “I can’t lose you again. I love you. I’ve never stopped.” It’s exactly what Louis needed to hear, but Harry is still not smiling. Louis takes a chance, and steps a bit closer.

“And why is this upsetting you then?” He asks softly. Harry runs his hands through his hair, and then looks at Louis, properly for the first time this morning. His eyes immediately soften, and he takes a step towards Louis as well.

“I am scared.” He says simply.

“Me too.” Louis replies, taking a hand, and running it up Harry’s bicep.

“Maybe if we are scared together, then we won’t be scared of one another.” Harry replies, and it doesn’t really make sense, and they both know that’s not how that works, but Louis nods anyway.

“Can I kiss you?” Louis asks. Harry nods, smiling however minutely. Louis doesn’t haven’t to ask twice, he leans in, and kisses Harry gently on the lips. It’s a promise. And he can feel Harry accepting that promise with unspoken words. This was their chance, and they were not going to take it for granted.

  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  


Louis is standing in the parking lot alone. His heart is still racing, and he needed to get some air, and a little bit of quiet from the chaos. He can almost immediately sense the figure coming towards him from the shadows. 

“I just wanted to make sure you are alright.” The deep voice travels into the night air. He can’t help but smile, and watch Harry’s form appear into the light of the car park.

“I am just fine love. How are you?” He takes Harry extended hand, and pulls him in close. They kiss slowly, Harry pressing Louis’ body against their black SUV.

“I am feeling pretty wonderful actually. Just got engaged.” Harry smiles proudly. Louis can’t help but beam.

“Well congratulations love. I couldn’t be happier for you.” Louis plays along with the teasing.

“I couldn't be happier Lou. I really couldn’t. I love you.”

“How about we get out of here.” Louis winks at his fiance, and unlocks the car door.

 


End file.
